“You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes everyday —unless you’re too busy; then you should sit for an hour.” ― Dr. Sukhraj Dhillon
Over the weekend I received an email from a college student who’s struggling with anxiety and wants to get unstuck…
A tall order for a non-therapy client, but he was nice and the millennials are a-strugglin’ with worries, so here goes.
I’m going to share a simple technique I’ve used with many counseling clients and it’s a game changer.
How to Overcome Obstacles to Peace of Mind
But first, let’s talk about what trips up even the most well-intentioned person in the quest for a quiet mind and body.
- Over-attention to the content of your worries. This is especially prevalent in people with OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). I know how counterintuitive this may seem when it’s your mind obsessing over scary thoughts, but honestly, they are not that important. Your brain is stuck in overwhelm overdrive, but don’t let it take you along for the rough ride ahead. Grab the steering wheel and park it below.
- Underattention to problem-solving. Largely because of the first obstacle, your rational mind becomes dormant in the throes of runaway unhealthy thoughts and uncomfortable physical sensations such as rapid, shallow breathing, tightening in your chest, dizziness and nausea, to name a few. Next to ER (found below), problem-solving is your best asset for calming an anxious mind.
- Feeling overwhelmed by…everything! 😫😫😫 And I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing for you, especially my fair weathered millennial friends. Honestly, you are my favorite age group to work with, not only because you’re conscientious and green, but because your fragile youth and lack of adulating makes it hard to realize that in the grand scheme, so much of what makes your nervous now, doesn’t matter. Hit me up in ten years…
- Giving in to impulsivity. According to research, a correlation exists between anxiety and impulsive behaviors. This is largely due to an inability to delay gratification and intolerance for uncertainty. Examples of giving in to impulsivity include: abusing substances or “self-medicating,” self-injury, avoidance of unpleasant situations, physical or verbal aggression, excessive social media or other media use to the extent that responsibilities are neglected, etc.
- Allowing your emotions to get the best of you. “Emotional regulation” (a most unfortunate name for a must-have wellness tool) is where it’s at. At its core, ER (not the place where up to 40% of the population ends up with complains of chest pain, when in fact, panic attack is the culprit) is the ability to withstand a wide variety of emotional situations and uncomfortable feelings. Examples of healthy emotional regulation include deep-breathing to slow you mind + body, pausing before you respond to an angry inquiry, taking a timeout when stressed, walking away instead of engaging in a psychological arm wrestle, etc.
Now the anxiety-relief tip, you’ve been waiting for. wp themes
*Cue the soft rain water and soothing nature sounds*
20-Minute Calming Technique
1. Stay in the fray of your frazzled feeling state (3 minutes). While the impulse may be to “get calm,” know that your worries alert you that something needs to change. Think of this as a mini-meditation for bringing awareness to your mind + body.
2. Sit in silence, close your eyes and pay attention to your body (2 minutes). Where do you feel stress? Is it your stomach, your head, your chest area? Where do you hold tension? Make a conscious effort to breathe into those areas of stress and replace the heaviness with relaxation.
3. Settle on one small action you can do which will bring you one step closer to solving your problem (10 minutes). Anxiety loves avoidance, so beat it at its own game and start acting. Set a timer for 10 minutes and completely immerse yourself in this step. Clear all distractions and focus, focus, focus on your goal (if you’re stuck, start with what you’ve been avoiding. Is this an uncomfortable conversation with your spouse? Is it opening that VISA bill? Check in with what exactly bothers you about uncertainty. A stagnant relationship you want to end? The time between text messages to a love interest? Needing to know the results of the lab test? The security of a good job upon graduation?).
4. Write down one task you will complete tomorrow to stay on the action track (5 minutes). Get specific and hold yourself accountable.
Good job! You’ve successfully started to do differently in the face of stress, anxiety and worries. Congratulate yourself for digging in with devotion. Repeat this process daily so you develop a nice habit. Remember at its core, anxiety is over-attention to the content of your worries, and under-attention to problem-solving. Challenges can be all-consuming or all-empowering. The goal is not necessarily to be calm, but to handle daily stress better and to find the right side of ‘in control’ quicker.
Remember, there’s no one more expert on your life than you.
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If you desire a guided wellness plan, check out “Holistic Healing for Anxiety,” a 28-day digital course to help you feel more calm, confident and in control.
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Thank you being here,
—Linda Esposito
