Have you heard of the psychiatric phenomenon, ‘suicide by cop’?
According to Wikipedia: “Suicide by cop or suicide by police is a suicide method in which a suicidal individual deliberately behaves in a threatening manner, with intent to provoke a lethal response from a public safety or law enforcement officer.”
An officer-involved shooting occurred in my neighborhood last week, which may or may not have resulted in ‘suicide by cop.’ The deceased was a middle-aged woman, apparently struggling with formidable psychosocial stressors who was shot after she pointed a weapon at officers during a welfare check (she apparently suffered from seizures). A BB gun, which resembled a semi-automatic pistol was recovered at the scene.
The intent here is not to play detective or armchair quarterback. I did not know this woman or the circumstances of her private life tragedy. Social media postings hint at a lost soul, who achieved early success as a Hollywood actress, but apparently suffered years of substantial mental and physical health conditions.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because when a devastating event occurs, especially close to home, we want to know ‘why.’ As a psychotherapist, my job is to assess the big picture in order to better understand what has happened in my client’s life that lead her to where she is now.
Theoretical approaches helps us decipher what is often, twenty (or more) years of psychological distress in the making, within the confines of the 50-minute hour. In a relatively short amount of time, clinicians can deduce personality patterns, life circumstances, childhood events, world view, and relationship dynamics to get a clearer picture of an individual’s thought process and coping skills.
Listening for themes is huge. Knowing when to voice an interpretation is crucial to client insight, but can backfire if he’s not ready to face reality. Or we could be plain wrong in our assessment. An occupational hazard for sure, complicated by its spillage into the “real world.”
As I read the news reports and watched video of the details of the shooting, I noticed that commenters fell into two basic camps: Outrage that ‘trigger-happy, untrained, inexperienced cops, shot a distressed, bedridden woman facing eviction,’ or ‘you point a weapon (real or fake) at police and you’re asking to get shot.’ I imagine the truth lies in the gray area. The law enforcement officials will ultimately present their facts and findings, though no one will ever know if this woman was suicidal.
After the deaths by suicide of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I kept thinking about how life gets harder as we age. In many ways, our quality of wp themes life improves, but only after we’ve done the difficult work of grieving our younger, fitter, more vibrant and full of potential selves. It’s about confronting reality, making tough decisions and not hiding behind denial or self-medication. Letting go of lost hopes and dreams comes with the territory. Ultimately, healthy acceptance of reality means being okay with the fact that life becomes more narrow with time.
When I passed by the scene of the shooting, I was reminded about a gem of a lesson I learned as a rookie therapist. I don’t recall the context, but I imagine I was in case conference feeling sorry for one client or another (which never helps), when my clinical supervisor, Reevah Simon said this:
“There are very few victims in this world.”
That principal has profoundly guided me personally and professionally. And it makes so much sense. Despite what happens in the world, regardless of those events we cannot control, accounting for random unknowns and strokes of good luck, we are the result of the decisions we make. Each day presents us with an opportunity to right the wrongs. And even if we are victims of Mother Nature, an abusive childhood or an act of violence, we are ultimately in control of how we cope with the facts.
There are a million reasons why people delay psychic, interpersonal, and health maintenance. Barriers and access to social services, mental and medical care will sadly, always exist. But for every person who gives up and sees themselves as a victim, or refuses to change with time, there are hundreds more who take the bull by the horns and figure out a way through their problems.
After all, there are always options in life.
*****
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Yours in self-reliance,
—Linda Esposito
